psychokinesia | sticksandbones ◉ Inbox

[He has no choice but to match the slump, frustration and anger coiling tightly in his chest once more. How is he supposed to ignore his problems when he's getting called out for caring instead?? He can't even have this????

He scoffs, turning sharply to glare at his screens instead of face Ezell, gripping the back of his chair like he's trying to strangle it.]

What, that wasn't honest enough for you? I said what I meant. [no he fucking didn't but for a moment he thought it'd be a lot easier if he never started caring about them at all and he still feels like shit for it, why the fuck did he ever let himself get THIS attached?] Tch, fractions, percentages—say what you want, but even things like interpersonal relationships are quantifiable. Tell me, how long have you known Ain? How many months? If we compare that to the current state of your relationship, we can calculate the approximate velocity of your "love". That's how quickly and willingly he was able to devote himself to those feelings and declare it a real relationship. Kuku, even if we take everything at face value, it's blatantly obvious I'm just an afterthought! Does he even know what he really thinks about me, or is this just a new thing he's trying out to see what sticks? He didn't even care enough to ask how I felt about anything, he just assumed I must be interested because what? He thinks everyone in our little party would be? None of them are dating anyone, not even that red-haired idiot!

Not that any of this even interests me in the slightest! Friendship, relationship, all of this is just a headache for me to deal with! I was fine with the stupid banter so why did he have to make it all so complicated, huh?! It never need to be a thing!

[At some point in this angry(?) outburst, a pair of dynamos move up to start gently massaging Add's shoulders. He may sense a small twinge of sympathy from the drones among all the echoed and confused sentiments from Add.]

[ Ezell listens to Add, but he can't help but tug on the emotional strings that he feels while he's talking. He's sorry, he shouldn't be so invasive, but he's learned with Add's type that he needs to, otherwise he can't be sure of which parts are lies or not. Ezell walks over and... just finds an extra seat so he can sit nearby Add, folding his hands in his lap. His voice lowers to something a little softer. ]

Why does it bother you so much, Add? Why are you so angry about this?

[It speaks more to how much he's wound himself up that he doesn't even notice Ezell's strategic repositioning. He'd probably keep on ranting to himself even if Ezell left the room. As things are, his words only serve as a light nudge of guidance to whatever madness has taken hold of Add.]

Who said I'm angry about it?! [LITERALLY YOU] It's just a headache, he's the one making it a big fucking deal! If he wants to cry and moan about it that's his problem, not mine! I don't even give a shit what he does anymore!

Attachments are just a distraction in the end, tch, this is exactly why I avoid such messy things...

[He simmers down a little, still mumbling to himself... that thread is doomed to be a tangled mess, but in the end he's not terribly hard to read. There's a lot of anxiety under the surface, a lot of doubt, he must be reading into it, there must be some other explanation still, maybe it's all some super-elaborate joke to humiliate him if he ever makes the mistake of opening up for real... and somewhere at the heart of it all, he doesn't want Ain to be hurt. This is short-term hurt, but it's like ripping a bandaid? But now he's second guessing himself and everything is awful so maybe this is worse and he fucked it all up? He hates being here. Dynamo is sad that he's upset.]

[ Madness is putting it lightly. Add is spiraling in the worst way. But it's not like when Ezell spirals - when his thoughts are heavy and he starts to question things like mortality and his life. This is... volatile. If Add weren't currently threatening to end the life of a chair earlier, he might even try to reach out and give him some physical reassurance. ]

Do you really think they're "just distractions"? Because that isn't fair either, Add. Especially not, when those you care about will lift you up and stick by your side. And it's... I'm not going to say it's not complicated, but if you say you don't need it, I'll gladly call you a liar to your face.

Let me ask you this, then. And you do not have to tell me, you can just think about it yourself, what if Ain were not here? What if something happened to him? Would you still not "give a shit what he does anymore"?

[Dynamo is here for the physical support, at least. His heart is still a mess, but he is listening... of course he would care if something happened to Ain. Something did happen to Ain and he's still pissed about it, as little as anything he could do would matter. He's not so blinded to believe his own bullshit anymore.

But that's the problem, isn't it? He knows how much he cares, but he still has no idea how to express any of that. And now Ain wants to skip straight to dating.

It's kind of a lot. From his perspective, it's only been a couple months since he accepted that he even wanted to stay... and now he's been torn away to some other fucked up place full of strangers. And Ain is both hitting on him and making other friends way faster and better than he was with the Search Party. And he doesn't really want to talk or think about any of this, but here he is.

After a long pause, he just sighs—drawn out and exaggerated, in case the empath couldn't tell how fed up he is with all this damn stupid feelings. He straightens himself up, running a hand through his hair. Even if he's still a total mess, he can at least try to pretend he's pulled himself together.]

You really are nosy, aren't you? What's your endgame here? Stop wasting my time and just tell me what you want already.

Sorry, it's hard not to be, when you're someone so important to Ain. You just... [ How to say this nicely... ] seem to be the self-destructive sort of person, and it's worrying.

I want... you to consider the things you want, and the things that are important to you. I want to be your friend and for you to not totally hate my guts, but I know that's going to take a lot more work. But more than anything else, I want Ain to be happy. His smile means the world and more to me, and even if you decide to let him down still at the end of this, I think he'll be able to get through it if he knows you're not as conflicted about things as you are now.

[he's gonna let u finish but as soon as he calls Add self-destructive and worrying he gets a big ol' blip of embarrassment/surprise/???confused suspicion???? like it is truly unthinkable to him that Ezell could worry about him when all their interactions have been like this... no way Ain gives head THAT good

but he stamps the feeling down with more stubborn irritation, looking away with a huff. Don't you dare read into that.]

... tch, if that's all you came here to say then this was a total waste of time.

It's not like I was going to ignore him indefinitely. [he was probably gonna half-ass the apology by not actually reflecting on his stupid feelings tho so yeah. not that he will admit this either.]

[ Oh, Add. He would read you like a book even without the empathy. ]

I don't think it was a waste. More than to come and talk to you about Ain's feelings... I did want to check on you, too. After all, I wouldn't want you to stay mad or anything. If there's something I can do to help, I want to try.

Ugh... you'd fit right in with those soft-hearted idiots. [no wonder Ain is into this guy]

I'm not mad at him, just amazed at his stupidity. If he was going to get so upset over rejection he should've asked before trying to come on to me.

[in his mind this makes sense and is definitely how this is supposed to work, yeah. you ask about interest and THEN you start flirting and asking them out.]

...I mean, I feel like the "coming onto someone" part usually comes before the asking someone out part, generally? I didn't ask Ain to go out with me before I kissed him for the first time.

But you at least knew he was interested, right? You wouldn't just do something like that without checking that it would be reciprocated first. That's just common sense! It's research!

[what do you mean normal people don't do research before asking someone out]

I mean… he did call me cute, but as I’m told, you did the same to him?

Th-that doesn't count! I wasn't thinking straight, I'm not responsible for whatever nonsense I babbled under a high fever!!

Hm, does he know that, though?

Why wouldn't he know?! I don't use words like cute, I'd never say that shit on purpose! He should know that about me already and make the connection himself!

And you should know Ain well enough that he doesn't make connections like that very easily. After I kissed him, he asked me if I liked boys, you know.

That's... well, if he'd asked...

[............... did he accidentally hit on Ain and that's what started all of this?

He brings a hand to his mouth, thinking on this very intensely for several seconds. God, what else did he say that night??? Dynamo only had a partial recording, and what little he can remember is... embarrassing. He woke up with his hand in Ain's hair for El's sake. Why did he not consider this??]

... it's all just a misunderstanding. I'll... I'll talk to him. Later.

[ Add... buddy... ]

Alright. I think it would do him some good. Next time, though, I do recommend doing so privately, as reading it on a public device of any kind isn't good for either of you, I feel...

[UGH........ why must he be reminded all of that was public

he hates this]

I wasn't planning on it. Are you done telling me shit I already know about?

Oh, yes, of course! Sorry. I'll leave you to the rest of your work, Add. Thank you for listening to me, though. I really appreciate it.

[ There's... probably more he should say, for Ain's sake, but it's not his place to really be speaking for Ain. He just wants him to be happy, but it's up to Add how he wants to go from here. At least the conversation went a lot better than he thought. There was definitely a point where Ezell wanted to deck Add in the face.

He stands up from the chair and gives a little bow before heading for the door. ]

Oh, and please, you can talk to me if you ever feel like you need to, by the way. I know you're still not on the best of terms with me, but I'm a good listener.

Tch. Don't count on it.

[He's still scowling as hard as ever, arms folded as he waits for Ezell to let his damn self out of Add's office... but is there, perhaps, slightly less animosity than before?

Or maybe it's just because his mind is still elsewhere, thinking about all this embarrassing feelings-shit with Ain and how he's supposed to fix that. Ughhh.

He slams the door shut as soon as Ezell is back outside. He needs some time to think, definitely.]

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