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psychokinesia) wrote2025-03-18 12:49 am
psychokinesia) wrote2025-03-18 12:49 am
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sticksandbones β Inbox
[ netbook | dynamo | action ]
[ netbook | dynamo | action ]
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[He stops himself, clicking his tongue. No, he is not going to address this problem, either. He puts a hand on the door like he's considering trying to slam it with Ain still standing there, unwilling to look at him.]
Why don't you go hang out with someone else for awhile? Since you've made so many friends, go make one of them entertain you!
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[Ain has gotten a lot better at owning his emotions, kind of, and the hurt on his face becomes obvious for a split second before he schools it into something more neutral. Not like Add is looking anyway... but he feels like he has to save face against someone who won't look at his.]
I want to spend time with you! That's why I'm here! That's why I made you something nice to wear and why I'm telling you to come to the bakery and hang out!
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You keep telling me how much you missed me, but you still can't even be bothered to use my name! It was fine when it was just Elsword, but now you've got four more assholes you've known for less than a year and that's good enough for you start remembering all the sudden? Did you think I wouldn't notice that?! I can read a fucking book, Ain, I'm not stupid!
["I'm not addressing this" until the floodgates explode and now he's screaming at Ain in the hallway, normal stuff. At least he's looking (glaring) at him again to properly direct his unfiltered rage.]
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Yes, he hears himself, but there's not a day in his life where he hasn't been greedy and possessive of the party as a whole, not to mention making his entire life's goal "I just want to stay with these weirdos I met :)" and completely swapping what God he's loyal to overnight so that he could.
For a slow second, Ain is too shell-shocked to respond, opening and closing his mouth like a beached fish before he clamps it shut and crosses his arms over his chest, fingers clutching at his sleeves while he looks off to the side. The peeling paint on the doorframe is far easier to look at right now.]
I. [Deep breaths. He's not going to confront his emotions today, nope.] I never forgot your name. Or anyone's. Actually... I called you by your name in front of Ezell a while ago, and it caught me off-guard. I just don't do that. And I'm sure you'd probably think I was strange if I suddenly stopped, right? Haha...
[do not cry do not cry do Not have an emotion]
...sorry. I was never good at things like this. I'll be nicer to you in the future.
1/2
[He's been at this crossroad before.
He made his choice. He accepted it. Even if he... isn't good at expressing it, or being honest, or if he's never told anyone how much he's struggled, or if they never knew that choice existed at all. He had to choose who he would rather be with, and he chose them.
And now it feels like he made a stupid choice. Obviously, the world doesn't exist in a vacuum. Obviously, he can't tell Ain to stop making new friends. But if he could get that much closer to everyone here, in a fraction of the time it took them to warm up to each other...]
2/2
Forget it. I'm not in the mood.
Go cry on one of your boyfriends if you're lonely, you'll get over it.
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At least his gaze softens when he slightly clues into what Add's on about. Slightly. It's not like he knows there was a choice β he was comatose when it happened, so even if someone else had known, it isn't as though he would've been there to hear about it. He does sort of know how to read Add like a half-open book at this point. He does not know how to apologise beyond a brief "sorry, I'm trying", nor does he understand the greater issue at hand, the thing that goes beyond jealousy into sheer paranoia and loops around like a disgusting ouroboros.
Ain takes one step into the room, pauses, and thinks better of it, half-stepping back and hovering in the doorway.]
Add.
[Said softly, almost in a whisper.]
You're important to me, too. You always have been. I didn't learn to say that until recently, and it's not like you were here for that part. ...I was keeping a lot of secrets from you and the rest of the El Search Party, and I don't really know why that is. I guess I thought you'd finally hate me for real if you knew? Haha... it's hard to explain.
[...]
I'm not human. I think you knew that part already, but I'm actually an angel sent by Ishmael... or rather, by Elria nowadays. My purpose was to restore the large El, but I wound up growing attached to you and the rest of the El Search Party. The wings on my back are my natural angel wings, and I guess they pop out because of the dragon magic? Haha. But despite this, and despite living here, there wasn't a day that passed where I didn't miss you and everyone else.
Actually, I nearly got myself killed last month charging after an illusion of you through some pretty dangerous terrain... it's a little embarrassing now that you're actually here, though, and I can chase after the real one instead.
Can I come in?
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There's a lot to process here, but honestly, most of it's not that surprising.
The most surprising part is that he keeps bringing up Add and not someone like Elsword... but there were probably a lot of incidents like that. He's just picking the answers that would appeal most to Add, that's all.
...]
Tch, when did this turn into honesty hour? [He sighs, and... takes a step back. His head is still low and he can't look Ain in the eyes, but... if he still wants to talk...
The room is pretty plain, given Add has only been here for about a week. He'll shut the door behind Ain once he's in, setting the clothes from earlier aside so he can casually lean against the wall.
... strangely, there are rubber snakes sticking out of one of the desk's drawers. Might be one or two hiding under the bed. Do not ask.]
We already have demons, Nasods, and whatever the hell that Laby kid is supposed to be. As if "angel" would sway everyone's opinions.
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[The sigh he sighs, man. The absolute world-off-his-shoulders-finally exhale. This is why Harnier diagnosed him with an anxiety disorder.
He strays into the room, finds an old wooden chair to plop down in, and tries to read the expression on Add's face.]
What if you hated me for real? Or all of you decided I was weird? [Darling, they have already decided this.] It makes me upset to think that I won't get to see anyone again just because of that. ...haha, the El Lady did tell me that I'm sort of paranoid about useless things, though.
[Sighs.]
I'm being honest because I don't want you to think that I don't want you around, or that I think less of you, or that you lost any importance to me while I've been trapped here. I don't know how else to get your attention. You don't exactly respond to me trying to be reassuring otherwise, you know.
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His face doesn't reveal much, still avoiding Ain's gaze, but the fact that he's calm right now is enough of a good sign. He's not any less upset, but... he can think this through clearly. He's not going to jump out a window trying to escape or whatever if Ain says the wrong thing. Probably. And he already said the most embarrassing part (imagine telling people you care about them, ugh) so the rest is that much easier to tackle.
He folds his arms, closing his eyes as he rests his head against the wall.]
... Words are cheap. Saying "I want you around" doesn't prove anything, anyone can say that without meaning it. [and Ain pouring his heart out is a little bit more than "just words", so. He can accept this as genuine, for once.]
I just... don't like the idea of being stuck here for that long. Getting attached to people... you can't always have everything both ways. Sometimes, you have to choose.
[And if attachments can have individual strengths and values, there should be a calculable answer to that. He's starting to doubt that he and Ain would reach the same solution.]
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What am I gonna say next time you get upset, then? It's not like you let me hug you.
[Add is the one party member in a group of super touch-oriented people who does Not want this.]
I want to go back to when we were cuddling so I can prove my point to you. And since you're less poisoned this time, maybe you'll remember our conversation? Haha.
[No addressing the stuck-here-getting-attached-you-have-to-choose yeah he's got nothin'. If he says "don't worry about that now" or "we'll figure it out" Add will start yelling again, so...]
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It's plainly obvious Ain is trying to change the topic, though. Figures. He clicks his tongue, slightly irritated, but... it's not like he wants to hear the answer. This kind of thing, it's easier to just... not think about it, until it's too late.
Ain is here with him right now. That's the important part.
Back to shoving those thoughts in a corner where he'll never willingly talk about them again,]
Ugh, forget it. You don't have to do anything, stop getting weird ideas. This place is just getting on my nerves, that's all. [this is as close to a real apology as he's gonna get, sorry for yelling i'm not jealous i'm just annoyed at all the people you like more than me]
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(Also yeah FB thinks y'all π³οΈβπ now)]
So you mean you won't ever call me beautiful ever again?
[ :'( ]
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I never said that, stop fucking with me! [DID HE????]
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[Hitting Add with the sad puppy eyes as they speak... He can't believe you forgot that you flirted with him, how could you do thisβ]
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[add,]
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What kind of research involves telling someone they're cute?!
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Ugh, fine. You're no fun. And here I thought you were being so cute...
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[he can't even finish that, he just stutters like he's doing his stupid evil laugh except now he looks like he might start crying...]
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Are you okay, [almost says Mr. Ancient on reflex whoops, course-correcting:] Add?
[Somehow Ain is GENUINELY concerned about this, like where is the sass why do you look like you're about to have a menty b]
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Anyway, it doesn't matter! I'm not responsible for whatever weird shit I say while I'm feverish, it was the poison talking!!
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Ain says none of this and instead decides he's going to get up from the chair, holding his too-long tail up behind his back so he doesn't trip over it. A few steps will bring him closer to Add, but not within arm's reach. Instead, he leans his upper body forward a few inches, arms tucked behind his back.]
You forgot all the parts where I said you were attractive too, huh?
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